Why Your Inner State Outweighs Outer Circumstances

This week a client told me, “I’ll finally feel happy again when this deal closes.” Who among us hasn’t said something like that?

We tell ourselves: I’ll be fulfilled and happy when… I get through this busy period, earn the degree, find the dream partner, have kids, publish the book, finally travel, retire.

Sound familiar?

We often pour our energy into trying to fix external circumstances or waiting for things to line up “just right” before we let ourselves feel how we want to feel. But here’s the truth: circumstances have no built-in meaning. They’re neutral. The story—the spin, the narrative—comes from us and shapes how we feel.

This isn’t about bypassing real stress or frustration. But there’s a tipping point where healthy feeling turns into suffering—when we replay the same limiting narratives until they become the lens we live through.

Ultimately, it’s up to us which stories we feed. The meaning we assign to any moment shapes whether we feel expanded or contracted, open or stuck. Will we allow well-being now? Today? Or keep waiting for life to “finally line up”?

What’s it going to be?