We’re Not Wired for Hustle and Scrolling — We’re Wired for Connection
For a long time, I did a lot of striving and seeking. Clarity. Direction. Purpose. Achieve dreams. Succeed. Hamster wheel expert, at your service.
On the surface, it looked like positive growth. And in many ways, it was.
But over time, I’ve also come to see that underneath all that effort and achievement, my system was doing something much simpler.
It was trying to regulate.
We love to talk about striving as ambition, or even as insecurity. As seeking approval outside ourselves. And sure, that’s one layer of it.
But I’ve learned underneath all that ambition and seeking is something even more basic: a human seeking connection.
And why do we seek connection?
Quite simply: because connection stabilizes us.
More Than Just Relationships
When we say humans are “wired for connection,” we usually mean other people. That matters. But it’s only part of the picture.
We regulate through connection to:
We regulate through connection to:
our own bodies and inner experience
other people
creativity and expression
something larger than ourselves (life, the universe, the field, consciousness, God — use whatever language fits)
the living world around us: nature, seasons, animals, sky
When these channels are online, things tend to organize.
When too many are offline, life starts to feel exhausting — even when it looks like things are “going so well.”
4 Types of Connection
Connection with yourself - the ability to feel what’s happening inside without immediately overriding it. When this is offline, you push past tiredness, ignore signals, and make decisions from habit or anxiety instead of clarity.
Connection with others - feeling safe being yourself in relationship. Many people learn to function without this by becoming very capable and very independent. Which works. Until it doesn’t.
Connection with creativity - this one is often misunderstood. Creativity isn’t just making art. It’s how life moves through us. It shows up in problem-solving, imagining, shaping conversations, designing a life that fits, making meaning from experience, finding purpose, expressing what’s true. In Chinese medicine it’s called Qi. Taoism calls it Wu Wei—effortless, aligned action. Yoga calls it Prana. I call it flow. When this current is blocked, energy stagnates. When it moves, we feel more alive, oriented, and resourced.
Connection with something bigger - gives life orientation. Not necessarily certainty (although for some people, a set of religious “answers” may try to achieve this). But mainly it’s just a sense that you’re part of something larger than your productivity. When this is missing, everything rests on personal effort, and even rest starts to feel suspicious.
Connection with nature - the oldest co-regulator we have and one of my favorites. Trees don’t rush you. Seasons don’t optimize. Time outside reminds the body that natural cycles exist, the sun isn’t always shining, the river always finds its way around the rocks, and it’s all okay.
When One Channel Is Missing, Another Compensates
If safe human connection is limited, you may lean heavily on religion or spirituality.
If purpose or meaning feels lost, you might over-invest in work or relationships — overworking, or believing that finally finding a partner, getting married, or having kids will “fix” or “save” you.
If you’re cut off from your body, you may live almost entirely in your head. (Hello?!)
Or some other combination. You get the idea.
None of this is wrong.
It’s normal. Biological. Adaptive.
Our systems are always trying to get enough connection somewhere to settle. And the more sensitive you are (I’m talking to you, my fellow HSPs), the more awareness—and compassion—you may need to have for your wiring.
It’s Not About Trying Harder
One of my biggest shifts came when I realized that all the doing, seeking, striving, and efforting wasn’t actually about a person trying to achieve their potential.
It was a nervous system looking for steadiness.
Once I saw that, I understood this work very differently. It was no longer about fixing myself or trying harder. It was about becoming more aware of how I connect — and how diversified those connections are — much like diversifying a portfolio.
Connection to myself.
To each other.
To the natural world.
To whatever larger creative intelligence I sense moving through it all.
That’s how ease comes in.
Not from success.
Not from getting it right.
But from being connected enough, from enough sources, that I can finally step off the wheel, stop over-efforting, and let myself rest and breathe.
What some people might simply call presence.
Or what I call: flow.
